The first time I went, well was "meant" to be the "sporty guy" and the athletic one. But being truthful, I hated my body, and carried the burden and shame of never looking how I wanted to look my whole life. As you will read below I tried almost EVERY diet and exercise program you could find. I gave up ... many times.... and just thought I'd never look the way I wanted to.

I got frustrated... I often wondered how "other people" had the physiques and bodies that I longed for. I made sacrifices where-ever I went. I always made the good choice when it came to food. I had willpower beyond the imagination. But nothing worked... EVER...

I was always looking for the latest hack. I knew that something must be off? Maybe it was my thyroid? Even when playing competitive rugby my body image haunted me. I always thought that I was not athletically gifted and had to work harder than others to achieve my goals. Since finishing up in 1999 I was on the quest to be under 90kg... this was an endless loop of disappointment. At some stage I got up to 108kg... and maybe got to 89kg for one day... perhaps two. All the time with this wolf/bear on my back. The Self Loathing. The Confusion. The Frustration. The Disappointment. The Willpower. The Hurt. The Shame. The Fear of stepping on the Scale. Is this resonates with you ... please do read on....